If that was your dad, he is hot
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
