so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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