Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
