He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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