im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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