Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
