I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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