I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
