hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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