We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
