Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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