i just google imaged poop.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
