how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
