im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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