Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
