My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
