have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
