Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
