I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
