I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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