I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
