I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
