Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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