I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
