A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
