Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
