Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
