I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
