he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
