Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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