fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
