did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
