I wannas sexs uuuuu
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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