morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
