But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You left your phone here
Wait...
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