Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
