Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
