i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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