I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
