R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
