Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
