All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize