i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
