Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
