i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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