I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
if only i could text you this smell
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize