Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
