my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
