dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
