Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
