One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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