omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
