We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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