I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
