She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
