i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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