just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
