pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
