i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
