Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
