I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize