Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
