why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
