I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
