Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
