I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can you bring me the toilet please
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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