I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hippo gnu deer
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
