im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
