I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
